Goemon5: The Celtic Ninja Blog
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Saturday

24.12.2011

Jordan Nadin

Due to recent events I feel compelled to write a few words regarding the filthy figure called Jordan Nadin from Vernon, BC. Considering that said event is his final departure from my house, it should actually be a happy one, but as most things influenced by the participation of Jordan, this too is overshadowed by fecal nebula. Literally.


From the beginning it was clear that Jordan Nadin was my worst tenant for the given period, but since my days were occupied with preparations for my candidacy examination, I did not have any spare time for such worries. "Mobile Electronics Certified Professional" sounds like a big title for a jerk that spent most of his work days in a saw mill or cleaning cars for various dealerships, but I decided to approach my new tenant without preoccupied notions regarding his intelligence, maturity or responsibility. That turned out to be a wise decision. Not expecting anything of him was the only thing that saved me from utter disappointment.

I never met a more childish, immature, disrespectful or disoriented person than Jordan. And I have sisters with children, so I know what children are like! It is not that he was completely unwilling to share responsibilities in this household, not since I forced him, two months after his arrival and after he had already jumped over the red line, to finally sign the house rules. Once again it showed that reading and understanding are two very separated issues, since Jordan Nadin kept on ignoring the rules that I explained to him one week before he moved in.

But it was not his deliberate ignorance that made him an unbearable house mate. I am used to teaching, so I really did not mind explaining to him week for week that potato chips biodegrade, but that their package is better off in the recycling bin. It is not his unwillingness to clean his own mess or his virtually absent participation in our weekly maintenance routine. (Original quote from Jordan Nadin: "I saw that my name was on the 'clean kitchen' part of the schedule for a few weeks, but I didn't know what I should do." [Right, before you do something wrong, better don't do anything. Especially with a topic as mysterious as "cleaning". Then again, freeing table and stove counter from the oppression of your tomato sauce would have been a nice start.] It was not his habit of leaving bed at noon, drawing the curtains close and bath in the artificial light of the halogen lights. His occasionally shouted electronic conversations with remote friends were also somewhat bearable.

Even his weekly laundry orgies ceased when I threatened Jordan with exile. Under the right pressure he proved to be able to appreciate the beauty of washing his six socks together with the rest of the laundry, and not in a separate one-hour-cycle. No, what bothers (or scares) me most is his explanation that he is "not doing any of this on purpose". I am not entirely sure if that a sign of acute dementia or of Jordan's mental passing to a parallel universe, but in any case it is not an explanation that sets my mind at ease.


Yet, what is to be expected from a mental cripple who's alarm clock raises the entire neighbourhood with an unearthly sound, growing louder and louder the longer the clock remains unattended. (You may call me a liar, but after two minutes that alarm is definitely loud enough to be heard from the street.) The weekly highlight of this presentation were the mornings when he either lay in bed and claimed to not have heard the alarm at all until someone knocked violently at his door or various occasions where Jordan took a long shower while the alarm clock was raging. Admittedly one got used to those outbreaks, since even on wake days Jordan Nadin would rather fall in love with the slumber button and raise all of his house mates in a ten-minute interval for at least one hour.

In retrospect I am happy to have Jordan Nadin from Vernon, BC out of the house, though I will try to constrain any retrospect to this blog and then forget about his existence. I am sure this will get a lot easier once the bathroom stops to smell for Jordan-Nadin-feces that he generously deployed in the flush tank of our second toilet, just before he left the town running. If you ever happen to come across the "Mobile Electronics Certified Professional" by the name of Jordan Nadin (from Vernon, BC), please convey to him my gratefulness for his leaving, but also tell him that he still owes me rent and that I want my mugs back. After all, those are three of my best coffee mugs.

Before I found this little sanctuary of residential peace, I moved seven times within eighteen months in Calgary. I came across a lot of idiots, jerks, loonies and ignorants, but Jordan Nadin from Vernon, BC, takes his proud place among my personal bottom-three house mates ever.

Jordan Nadin Vernon BC